This post really doesn't have any art attached to it - so I'll probably throw in a photo of something I'm working on just so I can justify a wordy post about life.
Here - here's the obligatory art shot of a WIP...
ok, now on to the words.
This morning I was working with my sponsee in a back office prior to the regular meeting. I sat in a chair that I normally don't sit in, facing a wall I don't normally face. It was filled with AA slogans. Most of which I'd heard. But one in particular resonated with me...
"Alcohol gave me wings to fly, and then it took away the sky."
This came from our Big Book.
I thought about how true this was, in my case for sure... I thought I had such big dreams when I was drinking - all the things I planned on doing with my life. And the more I drank, the more solitary I became - and the more SEDENTARY I became. It was like I stalled in mid-air. The only dreams I had were of when I could get to my next glass of wine.
Now, in sobriety, my dreams have come into full focus. I know where I want to go, and what I want to achieve, and I'm actually DOING it. I am no longer cloaked in fear, and my 'sky' is back.
I chose to take a 'road trip' (although I won't be driving anywhere, I'm still calling it a road trip) to Texas. Texas holds a great many friends for me. I stopped counting at 16 people that I'm trying to see while I'm there.
On November 6th I will get into a plane and fly to Texas. All by myself (well, except for all the other passengers on the plane). I booked my own plane tickets, I booked my own train ticket, I booked my own hotel room. I told my husband, and I told my boss. There was no discussion about it - it was something I felt I needed to do, and wanted to do, so... I'm doing it. I will spend 6 days in Texas, split between Austin and Mansfield. I've got Dawgs, high school friends, Soul Restorations and Brave Girls that I plan on seeing. I want to explore Austin, I've heard that it's artsy and bohemian and quirky.
I want to spend some time by myself - doing a lot of meditation and soul searching. It's something I need to do.
And now with a clear head, I can recognize that I 'need' to do this for myself.
Prior to AA, and Brave Girls Club, this would never have happened. Perhaps I'm finally growing up to be... that girl I was supposed to be.
Spanks for listening.