today is the day i have waited for my entire life. today is the day i get my tattoo.
i have wanted a tattoo for as long as I can remember. because my husband wasn't a fan, and told me he didn't want me to get one, I listened.
but the call of the tattoo was strong, and I am my own woman now. Approval or disapproval - it's my life, my body and my wish. I am not doing it to hurt anyone, or as an act of rebellion. I am doing it because it's a beautiful way of expressing myself.
At first, years ago, I thought I would get a dragonfly. After all, they are my totem and I've got them all over my house in different forms. But I could never decide on the right dragonfly... or the right colors... and the spot I chose on my body, my hip bone/abdomen, felt good but not perfect.
then i started being torn by images of a bird flying out of a birdcage. Representing my need to fly and be my own person... that's when I realized that the perfect image had not come to me yet. I knew I needed to be sure about what i was going to look at on my body for the next 100 years.
one day a few months ago I was scrolling through Pinterest looking at Recovery art and quotes and saw a photo of a girl's foot - with the words 'serenity, courage, wisdom' tattooed along her arch.
I've had that proverbial ton of bricks moment before, but this one slammed into me like... a proverbial ton of bricks.
i knew, and knew without a shadow of a doubt, that this was the tattoo, and the placement i wanted.
the words represent the most important prayer in my recovery, the Serenity Prayer.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
The location... one of our AA slogans has to do with 'look down at your feet - they are exactly where they are supposed to be'. Which means that nothing happens by accident. I am where I am right now because that's where my higher power has put me... He certainly knows better than I do where I need to be.
It is 8:30am... and at 11:00am I will be in the tattoo artist's chair. I will be alone. But I will have my higher power, and all the people that support me, and all the people that have listened to my hopes and dreams for many years, in my heart.
I will come back and add photos when I get home. I had to write the blog post now because I knew it would be hard to do when I was looking at my foot all afternoon. :-)
Ok it's 1:15 - I'm HOME and here it is... I tear up when I look at it - this is so huge for me... and i love it with all my heart.