Friday, October 24, 2014

another one of those non-artsy posts...

so it happened again... and i know it happens over and over and over again.  but when it happens in my line of sight, it makes me rage against the world...

bullying.  bullying against another woman.  another human being.  another precious life.

almost exactly a year ago, a similar incident prompted this blog post.  the difference this time was that i got involved... perhaps not the smartest thing to do, but it was my choice, my decision.

a year ago i got a friend request from another artist.  i hadn't had any interaction with her, but saw our mutual friend list (12 artists) and accepted.  over the past year we haven't crossed paths in any way, she never commented on my posts, nor i on hers..she didn't use her real name, and her profile picture was a caricature of what i assume is herself. how about we just call her "A"?  (you might think that stands for asshole, but honest, it just stands for artist)

that changed 2 days ago, when lo and behold one of her posts appeared in my news feed.   not sure why facebook chose to show me this particular post, but i guess it was just meant to be.

it was a photo of a woman from behind.  the photo was taken by the artist.  i can no longer see the post because she has since blocked me, but to the best of my recollection she posted it because she took great offense to the woman's outfit.  stretchy black leggings and a flowy top that buttoned in the back, just one button high up.  this meant that the woman's bra strap was showing.  and her back from the bra strap to her waist.

apparently this met with  "A"s disapproval.  she proceeded to tear this woman apart, from her outfit to her weight... the fact that the woman was on a cell phone walking around talking.

all crimes against humanity i guess... ?

what was even worse than that, was all A's friends... jumping on the cruel bandwagon.  it was absolute pack mentality.  i was horrified... comments like "doesn't she live with anyone that would tell her how stupid she looks?"   ahhhhhhh.... mean girls.  her weight was mentioned.  and not in a good way.

the last time this happened i didn't act, other than to write a blog post about it.  but this time i couldn't hold back.   so i messaged A, and also hit the unfriend button.  this wasn't anyone i would miss as a friend, and wasn't anyone i would WANT as a friend.

my message to her was this:

i had to hit the unfriend button today... your thread showing the woman and the subsequent remarks regarding her appearance were so cruel... i didn't want to comment on the thread, but felt that i needed to tell you why...... i'm not sure why women need to tear down other women, does it make you feel better to say mean things about her? i never knew there was an 'outfit police'... or a right or a wrong way to dress. i believe that if you're happy in your own skin, and your own clothes, that's what matters. if her outfit met with your disapproval, perhaps just looking away instead of posting her picture online and ripping her apart would have been the mature, compassionate way to go.

your words and your friends' words brought me almost to tears with the hate and venom spewed out... against a woman whose only crime was to be in your line of sight.

i hope that you can find a tiny bit of compassion in your heart, and realize that we are all equal, we all deserve respect, and to be treated like human beings.

it isn't high school anymore... mean girls are nothing but bullies hiding behind pretty masks....

so even though you and i really had no interaction in the time we were 'friends', i hope my words perhaps make you think before putting down another human being just because you disagree with a very personal choice that they've made.

take care, and enjoy life. it's very short, and is better served filled with love...    
and then all the poop hit the fan. she responded with this:

Your views are 100% different than those of other friends. I was thanked, repeatedly, for having the courage to post the pic. Keep in mind that this woman was just starting her evening there...she would be among children, families, teens, and others who would be pushed up against her, and possibly brushing her naked flesh in the crowded venue. If we DON'T speak up, how do we face GOD when we're told we didn't try hard enough to help to make the world a better, safer place for all? What do we say? It's not my problem? We ignore a half naked woman among families? PS...I am enjoying life. But, thank you for giving me permission.

all righty then. i'm pretty sure when i face my higher power he's not going to care about my choice of outfit. 

i typed a really cool response about this not being courage at all... and how perhaps if the woman's outfit was so inappropriate for the venue perhaps taking her aside and speaking to her privately instead of plastering this stranger all over facebook and ripping her apart might have been a more compassionate stance.  unfortunately, when i tried to hit send i was told that i couldn't... because apparently A had sent her response and then blocked me.

that made me smirk just a bit.  i guess she couldn't handle a debate.

and although her fb profile might not be visible to ME, it's quite visible to my friends... and i found out pretty quickly that she trashed me on that thread... said she was 'baffled at my self-righteous, condescending, holier than thou message.  AND that it's MY loss, and that i MIGHT have thought i 'checked' her, but that it was an easy checkmate.

so, i don't think anything will change in her world, but that's her journey.  i accept the things i cannot change.  but i do have the courage to change the things i can... and bullying is something i feel very strongly about.

and i won't sit back and watch it happen anymore.

i could keep typing for days on this subject.  but i'll shut up now... until the next time.  spanks for reading...


  1. Here Here.. I would have liked to give that Tword a piece of my mind.

  2. And this is why you are beautiful inside and out! Being able to view others with compassion and grace is just one of the reasons you rock!

  3. Love you, Brave Girl!!! So glad you spoke up to her against this ugly action. She is very sadly confused as to what God wants from her. If her god is anything like my God - he does not look at that girl and see trash and skank (like she did) - but He sees - My creation. My beloved. My sweet girl. If she wants to ever have any effect on this World in a positive way she needs to learn, just like you said, Sandi - We need to Love. We need to seek out relationships and love them ... not laugh at them behind their backs in hopes to get the approval from any other petty, self-righteous person - as she did with her friends. Very sad, broken, confused woman. I'm going to pray that God will use your interaction with her to soften her heart!!

  4. Thank you for this post. You show us once again how to be a BRAVE GIRL (WOMAN)! I just hope that I would have done the same if I had seen the photo. Being bullied is a crime and it is not a great place to be. Thanks for standing up to something you saw was wrong. <3

  5. Grateful that you spoke to her, Sandi, and that you followed with this blog post. It's a really important message. And I'm just curious how she could possibly think that bashing this woman on her FB page would serve to 'protect' the children and families at that event. If she was truly concerned about them 'brushing her naked flesh' she would have had a conversation with the woman AT the event. No ... she's a bully and she enjoys it.

  6. Love your brave stance in speaking out against this type of behavior, I saw her post and was equally disgusted that she and her cronies thought this wax acceptable. I dare say that God has a different view of her behavior and I hope she is prepared to answer to Him/Her when the time comes!

  7. You know I was at a forum last night about bullying. Part of the problem, it was said, is that the onlookers, whether live or on line, never say a word. Never stick up for the one getting bullied...but you did....and that is what we need in this world. People like you. Onlookers that choose to ignore it are as much to blame as the bully. The reason being, I think, is that they are scared they are also going to get bullied. Stand up and fight for what you believe in. Nothing, but nothing, gets my blood pressure soaring is watching someone being bullied. Thank you for doing the right thing. Sue