the journey to 'home'....

thank you for following along on my journey to find 'home'.

when i set my Word for 2015, the word 'home' hit me like a ton of bricks.  i thought i did a blog post about my choice but apparently it was a facebook post, long buried under photos and status updates and weird wall things.  in short, i chose my word because this year is all about 'home'.  it meant packing up the townhouse that had become home after leaving a 35 year marriage.  it meant moving into a home that jeff lived in with his former wife and family for 30 years.  to say i was about to have some challenges was putting it mildly. 

little did i know what the universe had in store for me. 

we moved in 4 weeks ago.   we had a tremendous amount of help physically, and a lot of mental help also from some amazingly strong women.   (i'm no idiot, i surround myself with strong women to show me that i can be strong also)  tzveta arrived early, before anyone got to the house to smudge/bless/cleanse the space while it was still empty.  carrie lee was in malaysia, but transmitted her healing/cleansing energy across the ocean.  su sent, and continues to send reiki.

my first moments in this house are a bit of a blur.  i think the friends and family that were with me that day can vouch for my shell shockedness.   tzveta took my  hand and led me into the living room, kneeled down in front of her magic powders and meditated with me - she brought me to a level of calm so that i could proceed with what appeared to be a monumental task.

we had no wiggle room to have the house professionally cleaned inside and out - there were 2 dogs that were being left here and we had to be here to care for them.  so perhaps you can imagine what this house looked like.  i am asked repeatedly for 'before' pictures, but i did not take any.  i do not want to remember this house like that.  i'm hoping the memories fade.

what i did find, buried amongst the disrepair and dirt, was a very, very sad home.  there was a family raised here, a family ripped apart by the drug addiction of 2 of the 4 children.  years of anger, tears, fear, darkness, loss of hope.   a home destroyed physically by the anger enhanced by heroin.

i live with the scars this house shows the world.  the pain level is almost touchable.  i am sensitive to signs from the universe - so it's like a cacophony in here.

i need to heal this house. with jeff's help, and the help of my strong women - tzveta, carrie lee, su, jeanne... i will do what needs to be done to make this our home.

a  30 minute phone call with jeanne bessette this morning has given me the insight into my 'why', and my reason for being here.

WHICH... if you're still reading, brings me to another part of my 'why'.   why i build birdhouses.  my higher power sent me the idea for these - a lightning bolt type holy crap omg type of idea last april.  sitting there with carrie lee deciding on what i wanted to do next with my art, the idea and vision of a birdhouse came slamming into my brain.  i saw it.  i saw the finished birdhouse in my head - and set about creating it.   when it was done, i posted it and jeanne purchased it within 30 seconds of the post going live.

and i never looked back.  this is what brings my heart joy.  this is what i want to do.  i want to work with used parts - i want to recycle, repurpose and reuse old rusty worn things... and make them part of a home.

when i am commissioned to create a birdhouse, i am not just creating a piece that will sit on a shelf, or hang in a tree... i am creating a home.  i am filling it with love, and light, laughter and fun.  i am putting a piece of myself in each one.  i take each 'thing' and i attach it with intention.  these are not just wood and paint and metal... they are living, breathing vessels that hold part of my soul.

again, thank you for joining me on this journey, this journey of healing a home... i will share my exploits and foibles on the main page as they happen.