what did i get myself into????

each year good friends of ours host a wonderful Christmas Party.  The hostess is an angel freak - so for years I bought her an angel ornament.  Then I started getting my creative thang going, and started making her angels. 

Here are a couple of examples of what I've made her in the past:

so this year I couldn't figure out what I was going to make her.  I felt like I used up all my good ideas. 

For some reason I decided that working with paper clay, a face mold and wire would make a delightful angel.

What was I thinking?????

I really should have  had more of a plan in place.  Playing with unknown things is fun, but not as fun when you're under the gun to give a gift.  And definitely not as fun when you have NO idea what the end result will be.

I have visions of buying an ornament in WalMart on our way to the party...

So I'm in the studio - playing... swearing... laughing... and I think a tear or two has been shed.

This is the WIP... I'm envisioning her laying in a raised textured bed of spackle.  All stark white behind her... and the wire embedded in the spackle. 

wish me LUCK.

I'm... awesome?????

The other night at a meeting while pouring a cup of cawfee, one of the girls I know, and also facebook friends with, said to me "Sandi - I read you on facebook all the time and you are always saying how AWESOME you are... how come you do that... it's kinda weird..."

I think I had the "deer in the headlights" look on my face because she quickly laughed like she was joking.

There is enough of the old Sandi left in me that I immediately wanted to whip out my phone and peruse my facebook wall to see if I actually DID what she claimed I did.   I spent a good 3 minutes wracking my brain trying to remember if I had even USED the word awesome recently.

I smiled back at her and said "I don't do that! But I AM awesome..." and I laughed.

Of course, I did look on my facebook wall at all my posts for the past umpteen years and with the exception of some of the funny quotes and ecards from Pinterest, I didn't see any posts by me saying I was awesome.  It's not something that would fall naturally out of my fingertips.

Another friend mentioned that by me reposting Sherri's gorgeous jewelry creations and saying "someone should buy me this" I was being very obnoxious and always looking for free stuff.  (that friend also got the deer in the headlight look)

I thought my friends knew me better than to think that way about me - 99% of what I post is said very tongue in cheek, with a hint of humor and a whole lot of self-deprecation.  (And the whole point of me reposting Sherri's work is to lead my friends to her website so that they too can become addicted to buying her jewelry.)

Which made me wonder why they would say something like that... and BAM... there was the old Sandi mentality rearing it's ugly head.

Repeat after me... It is NONE of my business what other people think about me.  I spent a lifetime worrying about what people were thinking and saying about me, and while that's not what drove me to drink, it certainly stoked the fire. 

I put their comments out of my head, although as you can tell by my needing to post this, that a little hurt still holds on.  So since this is my version of journaling, I'm journaling out that  hurt.

And dammit, for the past 3 years, Brave Girls Club has drilled into my head DAILY that I AM awesome. That I AM enough. That I AM brave.  That I AM good.  That I AM strong. That I AM beautiful.

And that daily affirmation helped bring a self esteem that was lower than snail snot, up to a level that has brought confidence to my soul.  And I refuse to let anyone steal my sparkle.

Spanks for listening.  That needed to come out... xoxo
Sandi

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Congratulations!

The Random.Org random number generator chose "MC"'s comment... Congratulations!  

 MC  November 16, 2012 1:31 PM

If I knew that there was no way I would fail, I would probably go searching for a new job and move somewhere new and make a fresh start. I dream of living near the ocean or in a big city...but I find myself often approaching life from a place of fear, which makes these things seem impossible.

MC - please contact me at atygar @ gmail.com (remove spaces) with your contact info! 

I have ONE thing to say to every single one of you - in the words of Melody Ross...

DO IT ANYWAY.   I saw a whole lotta need for Soul Restoration in these comments - most definitely SR2 - which taught me a lot about identifying my goals, and then GOING AFTER them.  

What's the worst that can happen if you Do It Anyway?  It doesn't work? Oh well, at least you TRIED.  At least you won't regret WONDERING and never DOING.  You can say "I tried."  And you know what?  It just might turn out perfectly.  But you'll never know if you don't TRY.  

Do It Anyway.  The most powerful lesson I learned from Melody, SR1 and Brave Girls.  

Spank  you all for your comments, and for playing along... and hi to my new followers, hopefully you'll stick around!!!!

xoxo

Sandi 

 

one more day...

Hoping everyone reading this has posted a comment on the blog post below, to be eligible for the giveaway!

Let me just say, I own this book and it takes my breath away every time I open it.  It has brought me to tears more than once.  It has also given me smiles... I truly loved every page - and will continue to love it for the rest of my life.

A life that has been made much MUCH better because of Brave Girls...

Giveaway!!! Yay!

You know how I get when I get excited.  I bounce (yes, just like a tigger), and I say 'Yay' a LOT.  Well, I'm bouncing and yaying all over the dang place.

I have the coolest giveaway... a copy of Melody Ross's amazing book 'A Little Bird Told Me', a collection of Melody's beloved Little Bird daily truth messages.

 If you are a Brave Girl, you are well aware of the daily Little Bird emails - I love them, and I can't tell you how often over the past few years I've actually emailed Melody and Kathy to ask them if they somehow planted a hidden camera in my home... so many times that Little Birdie hit that nail right on the head.

If you aren't aware of Brave Girls Club, then you really need to be...

I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt, it changed my life.  The woman you see today is a very different woman than the one that existed (and I mean the word existed literally) prior to 2009.  As I indicated in my 'about me' page here on My Brave Soul, many things came together to create the Sandi you know today.  Brave Girls Club, Melody and Kathy played a major role in that perfect storm.

Just so you know, just typing the word storm and sandi in the same paragraph gave me izzures.

Going to Brave Girls Camp was a dream come true... if you've ever wondered what it's all about, you can read my Camp story here... 

So now for the giveaway part.  In order to be eligible to win, you must leave a comment here answering this question:

What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail? 

For an extra entry - link my blog on facebook and/or twitter, and leave me another comment here telling me that you've done that.  

And for an even MORE extra entry, start following my blog and again, leave me a comment here that you are a new follower!

The winner will be randomly drawn on Thanksgiving Day.  Make sure you give me your contact information in your comment!

wow, where have i been?

good question. 

i see my last post was 10/29.  which was the day Sandy was starting her journey into NJ.  That evening around 8pm we lost power, and as of today, 11/9, we still don't have that restored.  it's been challenging to say the least. 

The first 24 hours or so we were just shell-shocked.  we were completely cut off from the outside world, no electricity, no phone, and cell service was non-existent for us.  We were lucky that only one tree came down, and never made it to the ground below, it got hung up on the tree next to it.  and even if it had fallen, it probably wouldn't have hit anything except maybe a bench. yes, there were tons of leaves, branches, twigs and pine needles all over my deck and yard - but that was a purely cosmetic cleanup. 

So many others were horrifically affected.  Houses lost, cars lost, lives lost. 

I was so concerned about our beloved Pennington - the Lavallette beach house... but I am happy to report that it is still standing, and other than a wet basement, some sand and a completely sand covered/destroyed landscaping, it was unscathed.  Reports say could be 8 months before people can even begin restoration.  This breaks my heart, but at least it's still there.  So many right around it washed away, or burned down.

Around day 2 the realization of the severity of damage around NJ set in.  we hadn't been able to see any news reports, which was almost a blessing.  but when we got in the truck to venture out, the damage took our breath away.  closed roads, trees down everywhere, poles down, wires all over the road... EVERYWHERE. 

Slowly our cell service came back, and I was able to get into the office on Thursday once power was restored there.  Was able to access email and touch base with friends. 

It was right around this point that the tears started - and the emotions bubbled to the surface.  trying to not feel sorry for myself, i kept thinking about all those that had it worse than us.  but the tears kept coming, thinking of people that lost it all... how does one come back from that?????

yes, the cold darkness was wearing on us - we have a woodstove, so we were warm during the waking hours.  we have running water, even though there is no HOT water.  I washed up with a pot of water warmed on the woodstove.  I cooked on the grill - our refrigerator being run every so often by a small generator. 

We had gas lines that made 1974 look like a joke.  you can't get into the laundromats, they are jammed.  food stores are on half power or closed, and you can't get anything fresh...

by day 8 of no power we were miserable.  ok, I was miserable.  hb is a survivalist, and was in his glory.  to each his own.  I took off for texas on day 9 of no power, with just a TAD bit of guilt leaving loved ones behind to cope with everything. 

Texas has been a whole 'nother story - here now and loving every minute. 

Sunday I go back to NJ, a state that is torn apart with damage like i've never seen in my entire life.  it will take years to come back from this. 

and i'm really praying hard that there is power at my house when i get there.  because it's a MESS and there will be 2 weeks worth of laundry waiting for me. 

i pray for all the people affected by this storm.  

and if i don't get into my studio soon i will implode.  that is all.